Our streets are no longer safe. Our quaint little town is no longer peaceful. This change has to stop now, or else.
It seems that the newest craze is grown men playing with toy lazer guns. Do they have nothing better to do? Why are they not at home with their wife and kids or in a bar or something? Don't they feel a little silly playing with a cheap, plastic, $80, I mean $50, I mean $30, I mean $25 Costco Lazer Tag gun by Tiger?
Well, maybe not, but why are they playing? Don't they have any self respect? Just last week, my neighbor was out for a smoke and noticed they were playing a game by my house. Of course I called the cops because they are vigilant. They patrolled the neighborhood for 25 minutes, but found nothing. One day they will be caught and their silly guns will be confiscated. And maybe, just maybe, DuPont will be normal again.
That way, our city's finest will be able to better devote their time to giving parking tickets for cars parked the wrong way, speeders going one mph over the limit and cars with a headlight out. Thank you.
